The most difficult subjects can be explained to the most slow- witted man if he has not formed any idea of them already; but the simplest thing cannot be made clear to the most intelligent man if he is firmly persuaded that he knows already, without a shadow of doubt, what is laid before him. - Leo Tolstoy
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For you runners out there, here is the obligatory Personal Records page. I've omitted a few distances (e.g. 20k) where my "official" PR is slower than an unknown split from a longer race.  
Distance Time Pace Year Location Results Comments
100m 14.5 3:52 1988 high school track n/a time trial
200m 30.8 4:06 1988 high school track n/a time trial
400m 1:08 4:32 1988 high school track meet (North Salem, NY) 3rd only 4 runners
800m 2:42.7 5:25 1988 high school track meet (Pleasantville, NY) 6th only 7 runners
mile 5:39 5:39 1993 Run for Turkeys 5k; New Fairfield, CT n/a first mile split during 5k; might have been net downhill, but I certainly could have run that time or better for an all-out flat mile
2 miles 11:51 5:55 1993 Run for Turkeys 5k; New Fairfield, CT n/a second mile split during 5k
5k 18:40 6:01 1993 Run for Turkeys; New Fairfield, CT 1st place male 19-29 somewhat hilly; won a turkey
4 miles 24:45 6:11 1994 James O'Brien Run for Sight; Brookfield, CT 1st place male 19-29 won a sweatshirt
5 miles 31:44 6:21 1993 Wappingers Falls, NY not sure cold, somewhat hilly
10k 39:32 6:23 1993 Naugatuck, CT 4th place male 19-29 hilly
8 miles 55:35 6:57 1993 North Salem, NY n/a hilly training run, high winds + rain
10 Miles 1:10:17 7:02 2006 Bronx Half-Marathon n/a split
Half-Marathon 1:32:18 7:02 2006 Bronx Half-Marathon 181/3187 hot July day
25k 1:57:21 7:33 2009 Boston Buildup 25k; Silvermine, CT 86/218 very hilly
30k 2:25:27 7:48 2006 Fall Frolic 30k; Fairfield, CT 35/173 pancake-flat course; no taper (80-mile week)
20 miles 2:39:48 7:59 2006 Long Island Marathon; Uniondale, NY n/a split
Marathon 3:34:32 8:12 2006 Mystic Country Marathon; Niantic, CT92/529 hilly course; 2 "bathroom" (i.e. bushes) stops; perfect weather
50k 4:37:47 8:57 2007 Caumsett Park (US 50k Championship); Lloyd Neck (Long Island), NY 32/110 relatively flat; cold and windy
60k 5:45:49 9:17 2009 Knickerbocker 60k; New York, NY (Central Park) 62/185 perfect weather; probably ran long (impossible to run tangents in CP)
50 miles 8:53:03 10:40 2007 Metropolitan 50-miler; Queens, NY (Forest Park) 15/28 cool & drizzly; hilly course with some bone-jarring pavement; faded badly for a few hours, but recovered nicely

As you can imagine, the Kenyans tremble with fear whenever I show up at the start of a big race.

You think Paul Tergat has accumulated that many trophies over the years? Doubtful!

(full disclosure: most of these are age group awards, which I'm occasionally able to snag in small races; one is a "most improved player" trophy from high school track, and two are simply ultramarathon finisher's awards)

Here's a shot of me turning in a rather lame-o performance at the '06 Kurt Steiner 50k: